4 posts tagged “school”
You know, my little girl...excuse me, my BIG girl started school. She actually started on Monday and she did wonderfully. As did I! I didn't even cry, I did tear up a smidgen, but that was it. Her teacher is wonderful and her class is actually pretty small for being a huge ass city; there's only 16 others in her class. So, there's not much really to post, but I will share a digital page I did for her first day of school.
Oh, and I have a job! I start on Monday the 10th for a wonderful company in town! I'm making over $13/hr (which is
good since I don't have a degree yet). I also get to get licensed in insurance too! I'm excited! My ankle surgery is scheduled for Thursday the 6th also..
Excuse all the digi pages, I'm totaly into digital scrapbooking right now and wanted to share my newest ones!
You know, I know come the end of August I'm going to bawl...I'm not gonna hide it. I'm going to cry, cry like a baby when I leave MY bebe at school for the first time. I even get teary when I think of it. She's gone to day care before, I've left her (with friends and family) before, but she's STARTING SCHOOL! That's a big thing to me. She's not a baby any longer, she's 5, she's going to be a Kindergartner. Why is this such a big deal to me? Well, I could delve into the psyche of Melanie, but really do we want to go there?! LOL...I truly believe it's because I won't have a baby at home any more. Being a SAHM for most of the past 5 years, she's been my everything. My life, day and plans revolve around her. When she's at school from 8-3 everyday, she won't be really. She'll make friends, which I want her to, but I won't be her "best friend" anymore.
I'm sure I'm thinking too much and making too much of a big deal out of this, but man...she's growing up? Why isn't there a pill to stop it? Why can't I have a 5 year old forever? What if I didn't teach her enough to be ready for school? There are way too many questions spinning through my head.
So, today, the reason why this all came bubbling to the top was because it was the first time I've ever had to pick up the "school supply list" at our local store. I had to find her elementary school and pull out the stapled list for grades Pre-K to 5th. I had this lump in my throat as I pulled it out of the turnstyle. Seeing all these kids running around choosing which back pack and what color scissors they wanted made me hurt, knowing that Kenna will be doing that same thing when I take her next week for supply shopping. I'm excited for her, she's so ready to go. She's ready to meet new friends, meet her teacher. She's ready to bring her lunch box and her backpack. She's ready to learn and she's ready to grow. I'm glad that maybe just maybe we did do ok, it's a good sign that she's so happy to go...but it also hurts me too.
Being an adult sucks for the most part. Yeah, I can stay up as late as I want, I can sleep with a boy (LMAO) and I can do other “fun” adult things. Otherwise it really blows. The sleeping thing, being able to stay up late now comes naturally. My entire family is passed out in the beds, including the dog who is snoring, but not me. I lay in said bed with said boy and stare. I toss and turn and flip and flop and stare. I get up to go pee; I lie back down and stare. Finally midnight or one comes around and I doze off. Staying up late sucks ass.
But the decisions and every day mundane-ness (is that a word?) is what kills me. Get up come to the computer. Check in on www.WhatsScrappening.com, check in on my MOP girls, check gazillions of emails and email addys then read up on all the adoption blogs I read. After that it’s usually 10-ish and I go do dishes or start the laundry. Then its shower time and right back to the computer for a few more hours. More laundry, tending to Kenna (Momma I’m hungry, for the millionth time of the day) then starting dinner. I have this routine and I’m really hating it right now. I’m stuck in a rut! Luckily, not that I’m really thrilled, but I start back to school on Tuesday. Whoopee…school. I’m semi-looking forward to going back and seeing the people I have become friends with during the last year. I’m looking forward to learning new things, but I’m also scared of learning new things. I must be stupid for being an Accounting major! I knew I was in trouble when a friend who has her Associates in Accounting said “uh, good luck” when I told her I was getting the BS in the same. She’s now just about finished with her Finance bachelors. Maybe I should have gone with Business Management, lord knows I have a business, and I could learn to manage it! LOL…oh well.
Decisions are made daily around my house; What’s for dinner?, Should I do laundry today or tomorrow?, How should I reprimand Kenna for arguing with me and talking back already? But we’re fighting with huge decisions recently. Not that dinner isn’t huge, or clean clothes, or the rearing of my child, but we’re talking HUGE decisions that could change the course of our lives and others too. Sean has an interview this weekend. We’re both excited about the opportunity and the door that this could open. I’m not so excited about the distance it would take us from our families…we’re already far enough. We go where the job is though, that’s the fun of his profession, but I miss being close to family. This job would pay more and be another stepping-stone in my husband’s repertoire, and I am proud of him. I guess we’ll just see how Saturday goes for him.
Then comes baby. Ah, yes, I haven’t posted about our quest for adding another child into the family in a while. After more discussions we’ve made a list:
· Surrogacy
· Adoption
· Melanie trying to have another naturally
Short list really, but strong nonetheless. I’m pretty sure that #3 should be crossed out. Wanting to try to carry another child is stupid and I know that, not to mention selfish, and I know that too. So, check that one out. Surrogacy and Adoption are two very possible ideas and plans. We have two people that would be willing to carry our baby(s). We’ve already talked to each of them, not too seriously but brought up the subject. It’s so hard to ask someone to do this. I mean, how do you start the conversation, “So, is your uterus occupied, or can I borrow it for a while?” Whew…then the costs. Why does everything always go back to that? Just like adoption I know we could get the money, but what is more important to us? Having our own biological child or helping make a future for a child that may not have one otherwise? I don’t want to adopt just because it seems like the right thing to do, I want to adopt because I FEEL it’s right. And I’m not sure if I have those feelings just yet. Adoption is a guarantee, yes there’s a wait, but we’d know after it all we’d have a baby, eventually. But surrogacy, not so much. Even after a few cycles we may never get a baby that way. What if the surrogate loses the baby, not only would we grieve, but so would she, because the people we’re talking to would feel guilty and grieve with us. Do we want to put someone else’s life in a tizzy for a year or so? Oh, the decisions…
I’m threatening to pack up and run-away, like we did when we were kids…I’ll eat worms.
