5 posts tagged “mfm”
I'll make this short (not really, but whatever), but basically he said that after reviewing my file (which he did while I sat there) he said that he read a case done last year with women who had abrupted badly enough to loose their babies. Of those women 10% abrupted again and lost the babies again. He said he doesn't feel comfortable telling me what my chances of having another baby die or me die, but based on that case study he said that if I did get preggers that I'd have a 10% chance that I'd abrupt at some point and baby would die. He explained that it's not just losing the baby but he said about the DIC and me getting sick again. he told me that he's only treated/seen 7 women that lived after going through DIC and I was one. So, he told me NOT to have any more, but he did say that he can't decide for us and we'll have to make the decision, but he would strongly advise against it.
Then he told me that I need to be on bp meds and so he hooked me up with a family practioner to see (no appt date set yet) to get on those and to talk to him about my migranes. He's afraid I'm having the TIAs and so he doens't know what they'd do for me.
THEN...he tells me that he thinks I have PCOS, but wants me to see an OB/gyn about it since he doesn't deal with non preggers PCOS patients. I have an appt on May 9th with the Ob/gyn to talk to him about that and possibly do an IUD or to tie my tubes.
He was an awesome doc...I really liked him and he was great with Kenna. He even said he knows what it's like to have one kid and want another but can't for some reason. he said he and his wife went through that and decided after years to just be happy with their first. He had a good head on his shoulders and even understood that wasn't wha I wanted to hear, but knew that I NEEDED to hear it. He put it really well that your heart wants it, but you have to convince your brain, sometimes hearing it 2x makes it more real. He said their infertility group is great if we want to do surogacy, but we can talk about that later again.
He told me this story of a woman he treated and had 5 stillbirths, after each he told her not to do it again, but she kept on and on. Her depression kept getting worse each time and finally she had her 6th stillborn and went home and killed herself. He said he's never forgave himself for that because he felt he could have done more to stop her from having more babies, but he said all he can do is tell us what he thinks and go with it.
If I do get preggers, he told me he'd treat me and "throw all the black magic he could at me because he'd be worried about giving someone who went through DIC an anticoagulant (heparin, lovenox)", he'd also see me every week from 19wks on and u/s every week to. But docs are afraid of abruptions and they can happen in seconds. He had a woman in the hospital for 20 wks because of previous abruptions and everything was great, then one morning all looked fine, but 1 1/2 hrs later the baby was dead due to abruption. He said there's nothing they can do to stop them, that's why docs are afraid of them.
So much for making this short huh? Basically the baby factory REALLY is closed, my BP is way high, I'm not having periods, I've gained 10 lbs in 3 months AND...I'm stroking out at the age of 28! Bascially...WHY did I go to this appt again?! LMAO!
Ok, so the more I think about it I'm just not OK with ONE person telling me to never have kids again. I've decided I will find another MFM or perinatologist and get a 2nd opinion. Now I'm wondering if I should have the bloodwork sent to the new one or have them do repeat draws. I'd also like to talk to someone about PCOS 'cause I have a feeling I have issues with that.
So, my question is would you repeat bloodwork or just have the reports sent to new doc?
We'll just go from what the "new" doc says and make decisions after that.
I should change the name of my blog. Yes, I'm screwed up, but no I'm not happy about it. For some reason I'm at a loss for words for this entry. Maybe it's because I have a killer headache, maybe it's because I've cried since about 1:30 today, maybe it's just because if I blog about it it will become more real.
I got some news today from my doc, and I'm sure you all can tell it is not good news at all. Basically we know something is wrong with me, but we can't find it. The tests for the problems that are fixable all came back negative. So, the doc ran more tests today. But the shitty thing about the tests ran today is this; THESE ISSUES AREN'T FIXABLE. Even if they come back positive and we finally know what's wrong with me, you can't take a pill for them, you can't just be watched closely, so basically I'm screwed.
Then she (the doc) hits me with numbers. Now, remember I'm an accounting major, numbers are MY thing, but these numbers scare me this time. 45% chance if I do get pregnant again it will end in a stillborn or loss of some sort...20% chance that if I do get pregnant I'll be the one dying. Yeah...a 20% chance of me not making it through the pregnancy...and almost 50% of the baby not. The doc then told me that if she were my husband, she wouldn't let me get pregnant again. If we did decide we want to do this, she refuses to be my doc because "she does not want to see me die". She doesn't even recommend surrogacy. So, as much as I hate to say it, the baby factory is closed for us.
We have our one beautiful and sometimes moody daughter and I'm so thankful for her. Why God chose to let me have her and not our others I will never know. What I do know is that I'm lucky to have her, even when she has a toddler melt-down, I'm still lucky. She keeps saying that when she "grows big" she's going to be a sister, man how I want to give her that. I've googled ('cause Google is my second husband) an adoption agency. I dunno about you all, but I don’t have $25K lying around. I guess it’s possible to get it. And I’m ok with waiting for years to get our baby, I think. I’m not sure if I’m ready for the “frustration” of adoption, you never hear really good things about it. People always spend a fortune of time and money, then they finally get the baby and something happens and the birth mother takes the baby back, I’m not sure if I can handle that disappointment again.
I guess we have a lot to think about, a lot to research and a lot to discuss. I have more grieving, more crying and more screaming to do before we really decide something, but you all know how impatient I am…guess I’ll have to get over it and just learn to wait for a while longer.
I can’t help but feel sorry for myself, have me a little pity party complete with hats and kegs of beer, but then Kenna comes walking in the room and all I can do is smile and cry. I’m so pissed at pregnant people….while cute and adorable; they piss me off because I’m not one of them and won’t ever be again. I’m angry because someone is telling me that I CAN’T DO SOMETHING…hello that just makes it worse. I’m tired of well-meaning people who keep saying that we can adopt because there are plenty of babies out there that need our love, it’s true, but I don’t want to hear that now. It’s just like when we lost Avery and Jackson, no one knows what to say. I’ll get to a point where it’s kind of funny in a sad way, but right now it just pisses me off more. I’ve just had my fertility taken from me, cry with me, get pissed with me, grieve with me, but God damn, don’t tell me it’s all for a reason but we just don’t know it yet. I’m only 27 years old, I should be in the “prime of my life”, I should be having babies left and right, but I can’t. To sum it up, it’s not fair. And I don’t want to hear about me saying that either…it’s my right to feel that way right now and I’m going to. It’ll take me some time to work through this, it always does, and I’ll bounce back. Just give me time…
Now, don't get me wrong, I'm so totally glad to be back home I could wet myself. It's nice to be able to sleep in your own bed with your own pillows after 10 days away. It's wonderful to sit and veg and take a vacation after your vacation on your own couch. The happy licks of your excited Shih-Tzu greet you when you "rescue" her from the Vet's office (boarding place). So, yes, we're all very glad to be home. But...why is it when you do walk in the house your luggage stays in one spot for a few more days, only taking out the necessary items. Your homework is piling up since it's now mid-term week and your microecon grades suck. AND you now have all the work that you went to Vegas for piling up and being fed-ex'd from your sister...I feel overwhelmed.
The good thing is I have my follow up MFM today...something I've looked forward to since my first consult one month ago. Answers, finally...right?! Not really. I had a message, one of about 20 on the machine, from my doc, she politely said that they are still waiting on some of the blood work to come back and she now needs to run more tests on me when I come in today. Great...my mind started racing, what test(s) is/are missing?, what other tests is she going to run?, am I that messed up that these other tests didn't tell her enough?, will I ever have another healthy baby?, and why hasn't flo shown up yet this cycle? Oh so many questions and now I have to wait until 1 to get some answered then probably another month to find out more. I've said it before, I'm so not a patient person, so this is really hard for me.
I'll update when I get back from the aforementioned doc appt. It is nice to be home and back to my blog...I missed you all!
Ok, so we're in Vegas (for the Memory Trends Expo for scrapbooking and my husbands birthday!) and won't be back until Sunday...then I have my next MFM appt on Monday, so I will update soon...I promise I'm not just ignoring my friends...I'll be back in a few days! :)
