7 posts tagged “adoption”
Being an adult sucks for the most part. Yeah, I can stay up as late as I want, I can sleep with a boy (LMAO) and I can do other “fun” adult things. Otherwise it really blows. The sleeping thing, being able to stay up late now comes naturally. My entire family is passed out in the beds, including the dog who is snoring, but not me. I lay in said bed with said boy and stare. I toss and turn and flip and flop and stare. I get up to go pee; I lie back down and stare. Finally midnight or one comes around and I doze off. Staying up late sucks ass.
But the decisions and every day mundane-ness (is that a word?) is what kills me. Get up come to the computer. Check in on www.WhatsScrappening.com, check in on my MOP girls, check gazillions of emails and email addys then read up on all the adoption blogs I read. After that it’s usually 10-ish and I go do dishes or start the laundry. Then its shower time and right back to the computer for a few more hours. More laundry, tending to Kenna (Momma I’m hungry, for the millionth time of the day) then starting dinner. I have this routine and I’m really hating it right now. I’m stuck in a rut! Luckily, not that I’m really thrilled, but I start back to school on Tuesday. Whoopee…school. I’m semi-looking forward to going back and seeing the people I have become friends with during the last year. I’m looking forward to learning new things, but I’m also scared of learning new things. I must be stupid for being an Accounting major! I knew I was in trouble when a friend who has her Associates in Accounting said “uh, good luck” when I told her I was getting the BS in the same. She’s now just about finished with her Finance bachelors. Maybe I should have gone with Business Management, lord knows I have a business, and I could learn to manage it! LOL…oh well.
Decisions are made daily around my house; What’s for dinner?, Should I do laundry today or tomorrow?, How should I reprimand Kenna for arguing with me and talking back already? But we’re fighting with huge decisions recently. Not that dinner isn’t huge, or clean clothes, or the rearing of my child, but we’re talking HUGE decisions that could change the course of our lives and others too. Sean has an interview this weekend. We’re both excited about the opportunity and the door that this could open. I’m not so excited about the distance it would take us from our families…we’re already far enough. We go where the job is though, that’s the fun of his profession, but I miss being close to family. This job would pay more and be another stepping-stone in my husband’s repertoire, and I am proud of him. I guess we’ll just see how Saturday goes for him.
Then comes baby. Ah, yes, I haven’t posted about our quest for adding another child into the family in a while. After more discussions we’ve made a list:
· Surrogacy
· Adoption
· Melanie trying to have another naturally
Short list really, but strong nonetheless. I’m pretty sure that #3 should be crossed out. Wanting to try to carry another child is stupid and I know that, not to mention selfish, and I know that too. So, check that one out. Surrogacy and Adoption are two very possible ideas and plans. We have two people that would be willing to carry our baby(s). We’ve already talked to each of them, not too seriously but brought up the subject. It’s so hard to ask someone to do this. I mean, how do you start the conversation, “So, is your uterus occupied, or can I borrow it for a while?” Whew…then the costs. Why does everything always go back to that? Just like adoption I know we could get the money, but what is more important to us? Having our own biological child or helping make a future for a child that may not have one otherwise? I don’t want to adopt just because it seems like the right thing to do, I want to adopt because I FEEL it’s right. And I’m not sure if I have those feelings just yet. Adoption is a guarantee, yes there’s a wait, but we’d know after it all we’d have a baby, eventually. But surrogacy, not so much. Even after a few cycles we may never get a baby that way. What if the surrogate loses the baby, not only would we grieve, but so would she, because the people we’re talking to would feel guilty and grieve with us. Do we want to put someone else’s life in a tizzy for a year or so? Oh, the decisions…
I’m threatening to pack up and run-away, like we did when we were kids…I’ll eat worms.
Well, the shirts didn't quite pan out...if everyone who visited the store bought something, then we'd have over $500 to start us with the home study, oh well. So, instead of seeing if you all would buy something you may never wear or use, I've signed us up for a paypal donation account! You can donate any amount and it'll go directly into a savings account we've opened for the adoption process and fees we will incur! I figured a buck or two will go a long way. We also have some garage sales we'd like to do, so we're not just asking for money, we're working for it also. Just know that we thank you very much! I'll post a real blog soon! LOL
* Warning, I’m going to speak about race and discrimination in this post, if you don’t like it, don’t read it!
Ready, set..........GO! The gun went off at 1:15 this afternoon; the race is long, but an important one. We're still very close to the start line, hell really just a few steps from it, but we're closer to breaking the tape than we were at 1:14 this afternoon. The race is the ABC Adoption Marathon, our first entry in this type of event. We’re just warming up really, Tani at the adoption agency was our starter and at the end of the chase will be a beautiful African-American or bi-racial baby. We top our first hill when we join fellow adopters in Fort Worth for an orientation, then on to the three ring binder of an application. There will be, so I’ve heard, hills of paperwork and many ups and downs following said application. But when we cross that finish line we will get the best reward, better than a medal.
The race judge, Tani, called us today to tell us that we’ve qualified for the ABC Marathon. I told the judge that I didn’t care what color baby we were chosen to have. A child is a child, why should we discriminate against them just because they aren’t Caucasian? It is not my place as a parent, hopeful adoptive parent and human being to say “oh, sorry I wanted a white baby.” I guess some people do that, which is why Tani said they need more adoptive parents to join the ABC program, but I cannot imagine doing so. What’s even worse is that because African-American and Bi-racial children are rarely adopted and “less desirable” their adoption fee is much less than the regular agency assisted adoption. Why is that people? Are we still stuck in the frame of mind that being black is bad? I will admit, I’m white…yes, I’m white and I have no clue what it’s like for the black people of today, yesterday and of the past. But is it wrong that we want to adopt a child, is it wrong that we don’t care what race the child is/will be? And just because we will adopt a child that isn’t of our race we get a “discount”? Seriously?! Something is wrong here people. My thinking is that if you want a baby badly enough, you will do anything to finally achieve that dream. You will go through years of treatments, shots, medical procedures and disappointments. You will go through years of loss, happiness and frustration. Why, when you finally decide that enough is enough it’s time to adopt, would you CARE what race the baby is? I told Tani today, I’m not window shopping for curtains to match my living room, we're looking for a child to complete our family!
We’re reaching the first hurdle in what will be many in this pursuit of completion. Let’s hope we clear it and keep runnin’!
I've been getting very frustrated recently. Angry is more like it honestly. I guess it's just a good old-fashioned pity party and I usually don't get them too often. Adoption just seems like a huge long drawn-out process...oh how I wish we could just have Sean jack off in a cup and go inseminate someone...I know, I know, but it would be easier than adoption. I've really started to think "is it worth it all"? I mean, we have a wonderful daughter, do we NEED another, do we really WANT another? And yes we do to both counts. I don't care what color, what race or what sex baby we eventually end up with, I want another child. And so does Sean, and those that know him knows he's emotionally constipated, so for him to say that he wants another kid, that's something...
Can you really hear "Momma, I love you" too much? NOPE! And can you REALLY have a pity party when this gorgeous thing looks at you?...
NOPE...no pity parties here...look at what we have already, you just can't beat it!
Gotta fund that adoption somehow people! And you're welcome to post that link on YOUR site and help me out more that way too! Hint, hint! LMAO! And here's the acutal link without it hyper'd for you:
http://supportadoption.spreadshirt.com
Thank you! :)
* Preface * Ok, so my mom said I missed my calling, I should have become a writer she says. Well, now she jinxed me. I can’t come up with crap to write…yes I can come up with many ideas I want to blog about, but the words have left me. This may not be the best blog ever so just bear with me…
A fork, a fork! I’m at that point, standing in the road looking left…then right…then left again…then right again…which way do I go? Good news, the ringer on the phone is back on; bad news, I still may not answer it. Good news, I didn’t cry yesterday; bad news, I did today. Good news, Auntie Flo showed today; bad news, seeing that just made it ever so clear again that I’m not having anymore kids. See, it’s that damn two steps forward, one evil step back thing…and I’m not dancing around with some fox/wolf thing like Paula Abdul did. I’m more like dancing with myself and I must say I’m not that bad of a partner, since I tend to lead. Which way do I go?...
There are so many questions out there and everyone seems to have an answer for us; adopt, have Sean’s nuts cut, don’t make any decisions yet, IUD for me, etc. I know that this may hurt some of my faithful but…we’re adults. Yes I like advice, when asked for. Yes I like hearing other’s opinions, even if sometimes I don’t really listen. But we are capable of making up our own minds on this one. People are coming out of the woodwork, thanks to this blog, that I haven’t heard from in YEARS…telling me that Sean should head towards the big V and I don’t mean Vancouver. People are telling me that it takes years to adopt, “better get started on that paperwork now girl.” I’ve heard that more than half of marriages end when people go through what we have (don’t 50% end in divorce anyway people?) . I’ve heard that IUD’s scare people, honestly a little piece of plastic/copper/whatever the fuck stuff inside of my uterus scares me too, but the thought of having another child scares me more at this point. We really don’t want to do anything permanent yet, and I’m being selfish there. You cannot imagine the guilt that if in 5 years there’s some new medical advances to find and treat whatever is wrong with me and one or both of us are snipped or otherwise. I can deal with alternate means of birth control for a bit longer. Which way do I go?...
You gotta love the internet. Without it I would not be able to speak as often as I do to some people, I wouldn’t be able to have a great new business (see www.WhatsScrappening.com) with my wonderful sister, I wouldn’t be able to take college classes, and I wouldn’t be able to fill out the preliminary paperwork for an adoption center in Fort Worth. Which way do I go?...
White babies, black babies, mixed race babies, international adoption, domestic adoption, and agency assisted adoption…ACK! It’s enough to make someone scream. But we took the fork marked “Adoption - $25,000 ahead”. I will have plenty to say on the whole adoption scene, but for now just be happy for us that we’ve decided this, just be happy that neither of us are “going under the knife” and please just be happy. We found which way we’re supposed to go!
I should change the name of my blog. Yes, I'm screwed up, but no I'm not happy about it. For some reason I'm at a loss for words for this entry. Maybe it's because I have a killer headache, maybe it's because I've cried since about 1:30 today, maybe it's just because if I blog about it it will become more real.
I got some news today from my doc, and I'm sure you all can tell it is not good news at all. Basically we know something is wrong with me, but we can't find it. The tests for the problems that are fixable all came back negative. So, the doc ran more tests today. But the shitty thing about the tests ran today is this; THESE ISSUES AREN'T FIXABLE. Even if they come back positive and we finally know what's wrong with me, you can't take a pill for them, you can't just be watched closely, so basically I'm screwed.
Then she (the doc) hits me with numbers. Now, remember I'm an accounting major, numbers are MY thing, but these numbers scare me this time. 45% chance if I do get pregnant again it will end in a stillborn or loss of some sort...20% chance that if I do get pregnant I'll be the one dying. Yeah...a 20% chance of me not making it through the pregnancy...and almost 50% of the baby not. The doc then told me that if she were my husband, she wouldn't let me get pregnant again. If we did decide we want to do this, she refuses to be my doc because "she does not want to see me die". She doesn't even recommend surrogacy. So, as much as I hate to say it, the baby factory is closed for us.
We have our one beautiful and sometimes moody daughter and I'm so thankful for her. Why God chose to let me have her and not our others I will never know. What I do know is that I'm lucky to have her, even when she has a toddler melt-down, I'm still lucky. She keeps saying that when she "grows big" she's going to be a sister, man how I want to give her that. I've googled ('cause Google is my second husband) an adoption agency. I dunno about you all, but I don’t have $25K lying around. I guess it’s possible to get it. And I’m ok with waiting for years to get our baby, I think. I’m not sure if I’m ready for the “frustration” of adoption, you never hear really good things about it. People always spend a fortune of time and money, then they finally get the baby and something happens and the birth mother takes the baby back, I’m not sure if I can handle that disappointment again.
I guess we have a lot to think about, a lot to research and a lot to discuss. I have more grieving, more crying and more screaming to do before we really decide something, but you all know how impatient I am…guess I’ll have to get over it and just learn to wait for a while longer.
I can’t help but feel sorry for myself, have me a little pity party complete with hats and kegs of beer, but then Kenna comes walking in the room and all I can do is smile and cry. I’m so pissed at pregnant people….while cute and adorable; they piss me off because I’m not one of them and won’t ever be again. I’m angry because someone is telling me that I CAN’T DO SOMETHING…hello that just makes it worse. I’m tired of well-meaning people who keep saying that we can adopt because there are plenty of babies out there that need our love, it’s true, but I don’t want to hear that now. It’s just like when we lost Avery and Jackson, no one knows what to say. I’ll get to a point where it’s kind of funny in a sad way, but right now it just pisses me off more. I’ve just had my fertility taken from me, cry with me, get pissed with me, grieve with me, but God damn, don’t tell me it’s all for a reason but we just don’t know it yet. I’m only 27 years old, I should be in the “prime of my life”, I should be having babies left and right, but I can’t. To sum it up, it’s not fair. And I don’t want to hear about me saying that either…it’s my right to feel that way right now and I’m going to. It’ll take me some time to work through this, it always does, and I’ll bounce back. Just give me time…
