Mother's Day reflection

You know Mother's day was yesterday.  Although it was a wonderful day including sleeping in, flowers and cards picked out from Kenna and Sean, a nice dinner with dessert and tons of cute little notes from Kenna all day (i.e. I love you mom) it also had a tinge of sadness too.

This special holiday for us moms has been a good one for the past 5 years for me because of Kenna.  I'm so happy that she's now getting older to write me notes and honestly tell me that she loves me.  It always makes me laugh and I'm so blessed.

While I'm happy to have Kenna here it always enters my mind that I should have at least 2 more children to write me notes on this day too.  I remember my FIRST mother's day after Avery was born.  I went to my old place of work, the local grocery store, and one of my previous co-workers knew I had been preggo but didn't know of the ins and outs of Avery's birth/passing.  So, we were there with some friends to get stuff to cook out, because Sean and our neighbors wanted me to have a happy day, remembering our daughter.  This old co-worker checking us out told me "Happy Mother's Day".  I politely said thank you and walked to the car.  I sat in the back and bawled like a baby.  Yes I was a mother, even then when Avery was in heaven, I didn't feel like it, it was a slap in the face.  In a way that pain still comes creeping in on this special day.  I hurt still, I hurt for others in my situation who have lost babies and I hurt for MY babies.  I'm sure it'll still be painful every year, but I'm just so so so so so...did I say so, THANKFUL for McKenna!